Review: Death Valley

Usually, I’d be too ashamed to admit that I watch anything on MTV. Ever since my teenage years of TRL and Undressed, I have become increasingly wary of the horrible, evil entity that is MTV, so I’m the first to be skeptical of any of its new programming.

But Death Valley, their new television show with a taste for the macabre, is far from their usual fare. Death Valley is told through a mockumentary style, following the exploits of a police squadron in Los Angeles known as the UTF: Undead Task Force. The back-story for the show centers on a vague outbreak of supernatural phenomena that has resulted in a Death Valley with a renewed emphasis on the DEATH part. Zombies, werewolves and vampires run amuck, and it’s the job of the UTF to put these monsters down.

The brave souls at the UTF

Lovers of Reno 911 will likely be very familiar with the format, which is an even more blatant rip off than Tosh.O’s rip off of The Soup. But even if it is not thoroughly original, I’d say the format works for this show. The cast is pretty funny, especially Bryce Johnson and Charlie Sanders and who play Officers Pierce and Stubeck. Without them, the show would be way closer to mediocre.

Bryce Johnson and Charlie Sanders in Death Valley

As it is, the show is quick and quippy. Definitely DVR worthy. It boasts some pretty admirable effects, and always delivers in the gore department. For a comedy, I’ve been really impressed with the number of “eek!” moments. Also, it has plenty of eye candy in the form of Officer Rinaldi (Tania Raymonde) and Officer Johnson (Texas Battle).

But don’t let me fool you into thinking this is going to be the new Walking Dead. It’s still MTV, as good as it might be. The plots that center on the vampires are bordering on teen beat crap, and Officer Landry (Caity Lotz) is cute but painfully out of place. About 75% of the jokes land, and some are true thigh slappers, but there is the awkward moment or two here where you feel a little old for watching it. Still, if you can weather a couple of MTV moments, this is something absolutely worth your time. I question whether MTV will pick it up for a second season, so catch it before it’s gone!

A zombie explodes after too many hours in the LA sun

Monday nights on MTV @ 11pm/10c

My review: 3.5 out of 5 head shots

All photos copyright of MTV and taken from imdb.com (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1835129/mediaindex)

Review: Night of the Living Dead (1968)

Is the cellar the safest place or is it a death trap? This is one (of the many) questions posed during the Romero's original masterpiece, Night of the Living Dead. Although Romero sadly lost his rights to this proverbial zombie bible, it remains the number one reason for his success and for the success of the genre today. Without it, Robert Kirkman, Max Brooks and many others would still be hanging out in their parent's basements reading comics and wishing they had girlfriends. Of course, hanging out in Max Brook's childhood basement would be way cool in its own right, but I digress.

The film is a black and white beauty, so please for the love of all that is unholy, do NOT watch a colorized version. In fact, if you happen to end up in possession of a colorized version I advise you to incinerate it immediately. Also, avoid any remake like the plague. 1968. Black and White. Romero. Nothing else comes close.

Anyway, the film opens as a brother and sister visit a graveyard to place a wreath on the headstone of their long-departed dear old dad. The brother is irritable and cynical, and the sister is nervous and tired. As they lay the wreath upon the grave, the sister, Barbara, notices a man walking in the distance. His black form stands out starkly against the bright white of the skyline, and Johnny (who is quickly becoming an annoying little jack ass), begins to tease his sister with the now-popular catch phrase, "They're coming to get you, Barbara."

Now of course, Johnny thinks he's joking. He doesn't believe that the man is a zombie. How could he? What a ridiculous notion! But as the man comes nearer and nearer, it becomes clear to the viewer that something is desperately wrong. This man is not your run-of-the-mill graveyard mourner, and before anyone can say or do anything to stop it...

Goodbye, Johnny.

From there, the story never slows down. We are taken through what can only be defined as "a really bad night" for a group of survivors barricaded inside a local farmhouse. They fight the zombies as much as one another, and truly give credence to Sartre's famous quote: "Hell is other people". While the vast majority of survivors are painfully inept, one hero rises from the cesspool of idiocy: Ben.

Ben is meant for this kind of scenario, the kind of man who knows how to keep his head even when the entire world has quite literally gone to hell. He's rational, methodical and brutally honest. And yes, this reviewer does have the world's biggest crush on him. Sadly, he died many years ago and so my crush will never be realized. Sigh.

If you like the normal zombie gore, this movie has plenty of it. Do not be fooled by its black and white exterior, this is a zombie movie in the truest sense, and there's plenty of flesh-munching and gun-shooting to keep even the children of the 21st century entertained. But what this movie is really worth watching for is the character development and interaction. Romero truly knows human beings, and it is not difficult at all to believe that this is exactly the stupid way people would react in such a crisis. You'll love Ben. You'll hate everyone else. And...of course...the ending is to die for. True film making cojones.

The only complaint I'll even entertain is about some of the acting. Remember, this was a small budget film and some of the actors are just that--small budget. My personal favorite is Judy, a trendy girlfriend-type with the emotional depth of a petri dish. I've directed seven year old children who had a better grasp on communicating character emotion. But alas, this is a small flaw in an otherwise pristine masterpiece. The "corny" parts are even enjoyable for their comedic value, and one has to appreciate the film for its contribution to the genre if nothing else. If you've never seen it, call in sick tomorrow and watch it.

My review: 5 out of 5 head shots

The Zombie Grrrrrrl

So today I opened my phone to this picture...

A friend of mine decided to send me this picture of herself as a zombie eating her cat. I chuckled and put my phone back into my purse.

This is...not normal. Nor is it normal that I spent the majority of my day yesterday reading 225 pages of The Walking Dead: Rise of the Governor. Saturday, my coworker shared this link on my facebook wall. A few months ago my mother-in-law, the nicest Irish Catholic woman you know, printed out articles on zombies for me while she was at work. My mom dragged me to book group with her a few weeks ago to be "the zombie expert" during their discussion of World War Z, but cautioned that I wasn't allowed to "talk over everyone".

But today, looking at the picture of my zombie-fabulous friend eating her cat was the final straw in my geek coffin. I have become, slowly and over many years, the zombie girl. Coworkers I haven't spoken to in weeks stop me in the hallway to ask if I watch The Walking Dead. My tattoo artist smirked and deemed my latest tattoo (me as a zombie)...unique. This obsession started many, many years ago, but as the infected, zombiefied gray matter has hit the proverbial fan lately, it's become clear that I have become an amateur authority on the matter. The local "go-to" for all things zombie.

When I was eight years old, my father sat me down to watch Night of the Living Dead while my mom was out of town for work. Clearly, a solid parenting decision that he doesn't now regret. Ever since, well...at least once I stopped having nightmares and sleeping curled up at the foot of my parents' bed...I have had an obsession with the macabre. I started crying when, years later, I met George Romero and told him the story of my eight-year-old introduction to his genre.

Long story short, it's time to come out of the zombie closet. I'm the zombie girl and this will be the place for all things zombie. Ask questions, make comments. I'll bring you my reviews of zombie fiction, film, comics, television, video games, etc. I'll be attending zombie 5ks and Chicago zombie events. I'll bring you my reporting from convention floors and movie theater back rows. I'll post the occasional "top 5" list that will hopefully bring a chuckle to the monotony of your day, and maybe...just maybe...if you read for long enough, when the zombie apocalypse is upon us, you'll live through it along with me.