Review: Des Moines' Zombie Burger & Drink Lab

What did I do this week during my vacation? Drove five hours to Des Moines, Iowa of course! And why would I spend more than $100 in gas and $215 on my husband's speeding ticket to go to the center of corn country? Well, because it is the home to the one and only zombie-themed burger joint!

When you pull up outside of Des Moines' Zombie Burger and Drink Lab, it doesn't look like anything particularly special. Its innocuous reflective windows blend into the other store fronts of the capital's down town area. But once you enter, you will be immediately impressed by the amount of detail and class devoted to crafting this zombie-themed eatery.

The decor is urban and metallic, but not dirty or grungy. This isn't the type of place where you fear that they've failed their last ten health inspections. The art on the walls is new, bright, and well placed. The staff are alternative, pierced and inked...but also showered and well put together. Even though it's a zombie burger joint, someone clearly put a fair amount of time and energy into the interior decorating. The restaurant boasts two or three beautiful zombie comic murals made especially for the restaurant. The artist was, impressively, Ron J. Wagner. He is known for comics such as The Punisher, Nth Man, and Batman: Legends of the Dark Night.

When it comes to seating, you have two choices. You can either sit in the carry out area or the dine in area. We ate in the dine in area, but I'd suggest saving the money on tip and just grabbing a booth in the carry out area. There's no difference between the two menus, except that you may not be able to get alcohol in the carry out area. If that's not a deciding factor for you, be assured that there's just as much of a zombie touch in either of the dining rooms.

We were very impressed with the service. The server was very nice, and the entire tattooed staff seemed happy to be at work...genuinely happy, not TGIFridays happy. The food was served very quickly and drinks were refilled before they were even half empty. Given the greasy, fried nature of this food, a full glass was a must.

When it comes to reviewing the food, I have to admit a bias up front. My husband and I are both vegetarians, so we went with the veggie burger. Their veggie patty was vegetable based rather than soy based, and therefore it was completely inedible in my opinion. Still, their burgers involve so much fried goodness, that they were honestly good and filling even once I pulled off the patty. My guess is that these burgers would have been beyond delicious with a beef patty.

We got four burgers: The Walking Ched, They're Coming to Get You Barbara, Juan of the Dead, and Planet Terror. This was a mistake. These burgers are so big and so fried that you really shouldn't endeavor to eat more than one. We ended up never getting to the Juan of the Dead and I didn't even bite into the Planet Terror. The Walking Ched was my personal favorite. The bun is made out of deep fried patties of macaroni and cheese...yes...you read that correctly. The burger is then topped by even more mac and cheese, cheese, etc.

Once I let the food digest for a few minutes, I was up for a delicious shake for the road home. I opted for the Tallahassee, a milkshake that combines vanilla ice cream, cherry kool aid powder, and (of course) an entire twinkie. This was the best part of the meal for sure. It was a good combination of flavors, and you could definitely taste the little bits of twinkie blended in! Tallahassee would have been proud.

So should you drive all the way out to Des Moines to visit this little gem? No. That would be silly. Who the heck would do that? lol. But if you happen to be in the area, I highly recommend this as a pit stop. It would be worth a little detour. It was a little busy though, even at 5pm on a Tuesday, so I would suggest calling ahead during peak hours.

Also, if you get a chance to try the spiked milk shakes, let me know how they were! We were so full that we didn't get to try everything we wanted to! Also, we were driving. lol.

Top 5: Scenes of Zombie Gluttony

I'm sure that today you are all headed to delicious feasts prepared by your loving family. For me, it's Thanksgiving cajun style around noon, and then your traditional Thanksgiving fare around 6pm. By the end of the day, I basically have to be rolled into bed. But zombies? They don't have a loving family to prepare them turkey and mashed potatoes. As a result, they are left to fend for themselves...and boy, do they.

So enjoy this top 5 in honor of the holiday. May it make you that much hungrier.


Honorable Mention: Zombies share in a round of Amy hors d'oeuvres in The Walking Dead
This makes the list, if only because (in both the comic and the show), it seemed like someone really could have done something to stop all the additional little bites. I mean, she's not finger food, people.

http://mimg.ugo.com/201011/6/6/4/132466/cuts/amy-death-complete_480x270.jpg

#5: Little girl zombie decides that mommies make the best dinners in Night of the Living Dead.
Moms really are good at everything: cooking, hugging, listening to your problems...and, oh yeah...devouring the second you turn into an undead freak. I mean, why go for a stranger as your first meal? You don't know where that's been! Take out mom and dad first.

#4: Zombies go for the leg's first--Stephen's legs to be exact--in Dawn of the Dead.
Nothing like a meal that fights back. Just makes that first taste of flesh all the more rewarding. Maybe we should start a new Thanksgiving tradition where we lock a live turkey in an elevator and bludgeon it to death. Us humans, we've lost all sense of barbarism. lol.

#3: Zombies go for David's stuffing first in Shaun of the Dead
For a comedy, this movie sure does do the gore up right. Nothing like being pulled through a window of broken glass and then disemboweled in front of your friends. Delicious. Just makes me want a full plate of stuffing. Check out the version below, or check out a better version here.

#2: Zombies dine on a feast of deep fried Tom & Judy in Night of the Living Dead
This was the scene that caused me to sleep in my parents' bed for a week when I was eight. Nothing like getting the whole zombie family together for some BBQ, right? I hope Tom and Judy had marinated themselves before deciding to become a human buffet because otherwise that meal is going to be a little on the bland side. Start the video below about 1:20 in and stop at 2:30. I had trouble finding one that just had the scene.

#1: Bub hunts his own turkey (Captain Rhodes) in Day of the Dead
You know what's NOT a good idea? Training zombies. Cuz, you know, if you do, they might eventually turn on you and hunt you down with the intention of feeding their very large zombie family. This scene is BY FAR the best scene of zombie gluttony ever. Awesome effects. Sure to have you licking your lips for some turkey.

Happy Thanksgiving! Give thanks that you are not one of the walking dead...yet...

Review: Night of the Living Dead (1968)

Is the cellar the safest place or is it a death trap? This is one (of the many) questions posed during the Romero's original masterpiece, Night of the Living Dead. Although Romero sadly lost his rights to this proverbial zombie bible, it remains the number one reason for his success and for the success of the genre today. Without it, Robert Kirkman, Max Brooks and many others would still be hanging out in their parent's basements reading comics and wishing they had girlfriends. Of course, hanging out in Max Brook's childhood basement would be way cool in its own right, but I digress.

The film is a black and white beauty, so please for the love of all that is unholy, do NOT watch a colorized version. In fact, if you happen to end up in possession of a colorized version I advise you to incinerate it immediately. Also, avoid any remake like the plague. 1968. Black and White. Romero. Nothing else comes close.

Anyway, the film opens as a brother and sister visit a graveyard to place a wreath on the headstone of their long-departed dear old dad. The brother is irritable and cynical, and the sister is nervous and tired. As they lay the wreath upon the grave, the sister, Barbara, notices a man walking in the distance. His black form stands out starkly against the bright white of the skyline, and Johnny (who is quickly becoming an annoying little jack ass), begins to tease his sister with the now-popular catch phrase, "They're coming to get you, Barbara."

Now of course, Johnny thinks he's joking. He doesn't believe that the man is a zombie. How could he? What a ridiculous notion! But as the man comes nearer and nearer, it becomes clear to the viewer that something is desperately wrong. This man is not your run-of-the-mill graveyard mourner, and before anyone can say or do anything to stop it...

Goodbye, Johnny.

From there, the story never slows down. We are taken through what can only be defined as "a really bad night" for a group of survivors barricaded inside a local farmhouse. They fight the zombies as much as one another, and truly give credence to Sartre's famous quote: "Hell is other people". While the vast majority of survivors are painfully inept, one hero rises from the cesspool of idiocy: Ben.

Ben is meant for this kind of scenario, the kind of man who knows how to keep his head even when the entire world has quite literally gone to hell. He's rational, methodical and brutally honest. And yes, this reviewer does have the world's biggest crush on him. Sadly, he died many years ago and so my crush will never be realized. Sigh.

If you like the normal zombie gore, this movie has plenty of it. Do not be fooled by its black and white exterior, this is a zombie movie in the truest sense, and there's plenty of flesh-munching and gun-shooting to keep even the children of the 21st century entertained. But what this movie is really worth watching for is the character development and interaction. Romero truly knows human beings, and it is not difficult at all to believe that this is exactly the stupid way people would react in such a crisis. You'll love Ben. You'll hate everyone else. And...of course...the ending is to die for. True film making cojones.

The only complaint I'll even entertain is about some of the acting. Remember, this was a small budget film and some of the actors are just that--small budget. My personal favorite is Judy, a trendy girlfriend-type with the emotional depth of a petri dish. I've directed seven year old children who had a better grasp on communicating character emotion. But alas, this is a small flaw in an otherwise pristine masterpiece. The "corny" parts are even enjoyable for their comedic value, and one has to appreciate the film for its contribution to the genre if nothing else. If you've never seen it, call in sick tomorrow and watch it.

My review: 5 out of 5 head shots